I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
