and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
