My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
