Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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