it was like having sex with a tree stump
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
