hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Omg I joined a choir last night...
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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