You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
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I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
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I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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