physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
How external is "for external use only"?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
