Please, let me fuck your mom
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
