So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
