You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
