I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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