My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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