Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
