Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
