I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
