I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
