I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
