Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
