she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Boobs speak an international language.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Randomize
