Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
