and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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