Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
