What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
