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I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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