i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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