she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize