good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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