Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize