But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
