Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
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I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
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Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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