but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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