remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
