Buhtt sex?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
