i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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