capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
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Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
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She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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