i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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