I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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