you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
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This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
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"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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