I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
