is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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