I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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