If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
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