I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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