I'm lost and stupid without you.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
COCAINE IS GR8
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
