Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
