once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
