people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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