Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
