I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
