Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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