smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
