Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need a sexual gate keeper
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize