every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
