i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
