Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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