i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
