Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
She said her name was "party"
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
