I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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