Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
