This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
