You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need a shit load of segways right now
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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