I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
